“Want to listen to my case? My mom and family cheated me of all my success, I am a money spinner and I could make money like water, but they make it seem they are the ones that provided for me, what will I do? I will disown my entire family, I do not believe in any crap you serve. I will provide an education until my children gets independent and gets married, thereafter they are on their own, but I will train them to be successful, giving money without learning the values will only spoil them, but if you do not provide a bridge, they can never cross the obstacles of life. You have been bought over by my family, FUCK THEM AND ASK THEM GO TO HELL.”
(Phil. Star Article by: Letty Jacinto-Lopez)
At their 54th Wedding Anniversary, my friends made a decision to distribute their combined assets among their living heirs.
Their rationale, ‘Para walang gulo’. (To avoid trouble).
They added one proviso: While still alive, income from these properties will be used to maintain our present lifestyle inclusive of medical expenses, extravagant trips and unlimited shopping.
That’s easy, replied the heirs.
The income was substantial to indulge the old folks with a bonus that the heirs can use in any manner they wanted.
The first year passed without a hitch, but soon the problem surfaced.
Each child used all kinds of tactics to keep the money from his parents. It reached a point where the poor retirees had to beg for sustenance, robbing them of the dignity they worked hard to uphold.
What went wrong?
Bad decision, said a cautious friend who warned the couple of this scenario.
Children are so unreliable when it comes to inherited money. Money received, which was not expected and not a direct result of something they worked for, is not given the same value as money earned with their own sweat and tears.
They lose their sense of propriety; gratitude is tainted by greed and decency gone. This is compounded by children-in-laws who can tilt or convince their respective spouses (children) to throw out good sense and filial affection like soiled rugs,
Honey, they’re going to die anyway, so why waste good money on them?
To avoid falling into this vulnerable, pitiful state, keep these 9 tips in mind:
1. Do not retire. If you’re over-aged, retire and get all the benefits but find another income-generating job or open a business that will keep you active physically and mentally. Travel and bond with true friends, play a sport, learn a new hobby and volunteer in your community or parish. Don’t loaf around. Your spouse will hate you because you’ve become a sloppy, listless bum with nothing good to say about the household and things that you never bothered about before. Solve crossword puzzles, play Scrabble, write your memoirs, and above all, read …this will keep you alert and keep Alzheimer’s at bay.
2. Live in your own place to enjoy independence, privacy and a solo life. If you move in with your children, your rank or degree of importance is reduced to that of a bed spacer who has no place of honor or, worse, like crumbling furniture merely displayed with no added value. Might you kowtow to conform to their own rules that are not kind, considerate or mindful of you?
If you witness your children engaged in a war of will and wits with your grandchildren, whom will you side with? Will they even appreciate your arbitration? Remind your children that silence is not a sign of weakness; you are merely processing data that is taking longer to complete.
3. Hold on to your nest egg, bank deposits and assets. If you want to help your children, do give, but not to the extent that you wipe out your life’s earnings, singing heroically not a shirt on my back nor a penny to my name. Staying solvent and in the black is a good hedge against all kinds of tempests. You will sleep better, you will not be afraid to express your opinion and you will be confident about yourself.
4. Don’t believe your children’s promise to care for you when you grow old. Priorities change. Many children are not guilt-ridden or filled with a sense of moral obligation when the wife and offspring take top billing in their lives. There are still children who would consider it a privilege to show compassion, genuine love and deep concern for their parents but be warned that not all children think alike.
5. Expand your circle of friends to include young ones who will definitely outlive your old BFFs. Keep up with new inventions, trends, music and lifestyle including all the scams and schemes you should guard against. Remember that when you mix with the young, you also open a fresh avenue to channel your thoughts, experiences and values through so that the lessons you learned are not lost, forgotten or buried with you.
6. Be well groomed and smelling fresh of spring water all the time. There’s nothing more depressing than seeing people exhale when you walk by because you reek of baul (camphor chest) or lupa (dirt). Old age or bust, don’t look and smell like a corpse when you’re not one yet.
7. Do not meddle in the life of your children. If they ask for your counsel, give it, but be ready to accept that they may not take it. Their situations in life cannot be compared to the situations that you experienced in your life. The playing field has changed and they need to develop their own set of survival skills. If you raised them to be street smart, they can handle themselves in tough situations and be able to read people. Champion and encourage their dreams and desires but on their own terms.
8. Do not use old age as your shield and justification for turning grumpy. There’s nothing more annoying than an arrogant, old fool. Welcome each day as another chance to be kind and forgiving, to yourself and to others.
9. Listen to what others may say. Do not throw your weight around just because you are a septuagenarian or a nonagenarian. You are not a depository of knowledge. Even if the roles have been reversed, make growing old a fun-filled, pleasant experience for you and your brood.
— TRUE STORY in S’pore
In the old days when there was estate duty to be paid upon one’s death, a rich man was lonely after his wife died.He had already bought a bungalow for each of his 4 children. To avoid paying estate duty, he sold his bungalow & went to live with his kids. The mistake he made was to divide the proceeds from the sale of his bungalow among his kids. Having no further assets for his heirs to inherit, he was ‘kicked around like a football’.3 mths in each household, sometimes shorter as one kid would go on a holiday, without him.Another one would pack him off to another household because they are in-between maids.Yet another would have another excuse not to take care of him even for the duration of 3 months. Poor fellow had no more assets & no place to call home! No kid wanted him because he was old, poor, useless & a dependant…